Who am I, and what have I become?

Who am I, and what have I become?
Do these emotions belong to me?
It’s been so long since I was genuinely happy.
So used to feeling nothing at all,
This spark in my chest is unusual.

Sometimes I hear a voice in my head,
A lingering doubt that fills me with dread.
Does the voice belong to me, or to you?
Sometimes I can’t tell the difference
Between the two.

As if my mind was torn up, piece by piece
And all those bits of me
You’ve rearranged the way you thought best.
Leaving just one smaller shard, a scrap
Of who I used to be.

Everyday I struggle with these
Mental anxieties.
?Whose thought was that?
And even though I’ve left, I can still see
Your shadow looming over me.

Will I ever break free?
Will I know my thoughts for my own?
Drowning in uncertainty
Strangled by reality

Is this real, or another dream?
Or, will I wake and find you
Beside me once again?
Tempted by familiarity,
Ignoring what is good for me.

Is it possible to be happy?
Or, is happiness just a dream?
Unobtainable. Hallucinations.
I’m drowning in this sea of doubt.

Will it get better?
Will it get easier?
Am I a fool for even trying?
Or is it wishful thinking?

They called me a dreamer,
But, you always told me,
That dreams don’t come true.

I doubt myself.
I doubt my choices.
I doubt my mind, and my
Mental stability.

I can’t help but feel
You did this to me.
You made me weak,
By putting down
my already broken
self-esteem.

I’ll never make it without you.
I’ll never be successful without you.
I’ll never be happy without you.

Who am I, and what have I become?
I want to break free from these insecurities.

So tired of feeling dead inside,
So tired of wanting to end my life.
So tired of your strangling hold,
That haunts me relentlessly
Since I’ve gone.

Please let me go.
Please let me leave.
Please let me move on.
Then leave me be.

Who am I, and what have I become?
A frightened girl caught by a wolf,
Then molded and shaped,
Into something he wanted.

Sometimes I hear a voice in my head,
A lingering doubt that fills me with dread.
I cannot go on, living this way
Living with fear, getting no say.

You’re like a cancer
You’re taking over me.
But I will cut you out because
I’m determined to be free.

Free of doubt, irrational fears
And insecurities

I am cutting you out because
I’m determined to be free.

3 thoughts on “Who am I, and what have I become?

  1. Tell me your only writing and you’ve yet to personally feel that pain. If your just writing then that’s phenomenal.If you can’t tell me that then find a way to talk to me and the writing is still phenomenal. healing hugs being sent.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s